From my friend Mike….had to share.
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma’s a bitch.
Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…” just saying…
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can’t touch this.
That Little Triangle
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder
Sincerely, The World
Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people
I feel your pain…..no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son’s virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere
What was your power again?
Dear Global Warming,
You’re the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
At least you get picked up…
The Girls of Jersey Shore
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?