From the mouths of babes….

My son Matteo is almost three but sometimes with the things he says even I think he’s much, much older.
He’s got a lot of drama going on.


He’s often the source of LMAO moments of the day….


You really never know what is going to come out of his mouth….


Friends keep teling me I should keep a list of all the funny, sweet things he says, so when he gets older we can laugh about it..


In theory a good idea but that would require actually finding a piece of paper and pen at a moments notice…


So I wll do my best to remember the funny things he says and make it a point to mark them down….


Here are just a few of his classics…

  • After consuming, in record time, an entire box of minty Tic Tacs, Matteo asked if his farts will smell nice like his breath…
  • After being informed that the TV was still not fixed, Matteo walked around with his hand across his forehead repeating “This is terrible, so terrible, the TV is broke, what are we going to do?”
  • At dinner one night we listened to Matteo argue that wine is a good fruit choice for after his dinner…”It’s made of grapes so it’s a fruit Mommy”
  • After telling Matteo he’ll be turning three years old soon, he got up from bed and started spinning around the room…”Mommy I’m turning round and round, am i three yet?”
  • Having my heart melt…Matteo telling me out of the blue, “Mommy you are my best friend in the whole world.”
  • While in the midst of his potty training, Matteo pulls open his pull-up and says to his penis, “Ok little buddy no more pee peeing in my pull up or Mommy will get mad.”
  • Matteo is very certain that at the end of a prayer one says ‘A Miss’ not ‘A Men’
  • While driving around running some errands Matteo announced “You know Mommy you are a pain in the ass when you drive. Yup that’s what Daddy says.”
  • On day three of a cold/flu Matteo announced he wanted hotdogs for dinner. Apparently the doctor called him on his pretend cell phone and told him that hotdogs with lots of ketchup and then some ice cream would make the cold go away.
  • Matteo politely telling me to keep quiet because he felt sick all over and he needed to concentrate on getting better and all my talking was bothering him.
  • After finishing up some work, Matteo proceeded to give the contractors some of his Canadian Tire money from his wallet “because they did a very good job.”
  • Matteo informing me that the stuff coming out of his nose was not in fact snot but ‘nose juice’.
  • While waiting to pay at Walmart, Matteo announced to the other customers standing in line that he has a penis because he is a boy. And proceeded to point to all the men telling them “you have a penis and you have a penis….”
  • When asked if he had to go potty one before going to bed, a frustrated Matteo yells…”Yes Mommy I’m sure, my penis is tired and went to bed, it doesn’t have to do pee pee I said.”
  • While talking to my mom on the phone Matteo says, “I’m good Nonna but Mommy yelled at Daddy a lot last night because he was a very, very bad boy.”
  • Announcing that he wants to go to Nonna & Nonno’s [grandparents] house right now because they have real food to eat.
  • Telling me that the big old spots on my face have to go away [translation: my two age spots that arrived after each child]
  • While eating his lunch and browsing through the latest Canadian Tire flyer, Matteo announces that he wants the fireplace, the fancy black chair and a TV for his room…this way he can watch his TV shows without Isabella bothering him
  • After explaining to Matteo that he has to share his books with his little sister Isabella, Matteo says, “No, Mommy I don’t have to share my books…because Isabella doesn’t know words yet.”
  • Matteo explaining why you must stay quiet while in Church….”because Mommy Santa is buddies with Padre Antonio [the Parish Priest] and if I talk with my mouth in Church, Padre Antonio will tell Santa not to bring me presents for Christmas…and that would be terrible.”
  • While Daddy was speaking with a manager of a home improvement store…Matteo says to his both of them, “Ok Daddy enough…let’s go to Home Depot…that store is a lot better.”
  • While shopping at Loblaws, pointing to a woman and shouting…”Mommy why are those ladies pillows so big?” [pillows = breasts]
  • While at the Loeb check-out Matteo says to the cashier…”My mommy never shops here, we always go to Loblaws.”
  • After telling Matteo they were going to bake cookies, Matteo asks my sister if they were doing the freezer cookies baking like Mommy does or real cookie baking?” [that was my last Pillsbury cookie dough purchase, I’ve made cookies from scratch ever since]
  • After telling Matteo that I was going to make dinner, Matteo tells me he’s going to help…and he procceds to get the menu from a local Chinese take-out restaurant.
  • While doing Christmas baking, I accidentally burnt two of the meringue toppings on the lemon pies…Matteo turns to me and says, “Daddy is right you don’t know how to cook.”
  • While cooking dinner one night my husband set the off smoke alarm [happens a lot] and Matteo says, “No worries Daddy the firemens won’t come they know you’re cooking.”
  • After making vegetable soup with couscous for the first time I ask Matteo if he would like to try some…Matteo responded, “No thanks Mommy, I don’t feel like choking and going to the throat doctor today.”
  • While eating the risotto I made for him for lunch Matteo says to me, “Mommy this is the best risotto in the whole wild world…you are the best chef ever…”, then he lowers his voice to almost a whisper and adds, “but Nonna’s is just a little bit better…but that’s Ok…don’t get mad.”
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